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I really wish I wasn't sick. My head feels like it's going to explode. I even got up early today in hopes of getting back on a normal schedule, but then i took a nap and my mom called and i had to pick Matthew up early from school and it was a mess. By the time I got home all I wanted to do was listen to music and sim. which i did for like three hours, listening to the same two albums on repeat. Which is very similar to what i'm doing now. At least this means new music for the new year, right?

I thought Colleen and I were going to do something today but she never called or tested me so nothing happened. story of my life.

I've felt really uninteresting. It's like I can only talk about a few topics and then i hate myself for not having anything more to say and it because more and more cringe worthy to continue a conversation. I'm sure when I start feeling better I won't be such a downer, but who the fuck cares.

I really wish I wasn't sick. My head feels like it's going to explode. I even got up early today in hopes of getting back on a normal schedule, but then i took a nap and my mom called and i had to pick Matthew up early from school and it was a mess. By the time I got home all I wanted to do was listen to music and sim. which i did for like three hours, listening to the same two albums on repeat. Which is very similar to what i'm doing now. At least this means new music for the new year, right?

I thought Colleen and I were going to do something today but she never called or tested me so nothing happened. story of my life.

I've felt really uninteresting. It's like I can only talk about a few topics and then i hate myself for not having anything more to say and it because more and more cringe worthy to continue a conversation. I'm sure when I start feeling better I won't be such a downer, but who the fuck cares

My internet is being super funky so i'm not going to write more than this because i'm afraid it's going to freak out

I'm going to try to start fixing my sleep schedule by going to be before four today. wish me luck.

I totally am planing a garden in the spring. It's going to be awesome.

I really have nothing more to say

I've been very harsh the past few days. It hasn't been intentional and i'm not sure why, but they don't really occur as bad things until someone else gets offended. I can't help but think that half the time the people i'm talking to are overreaching as it's not like i'm saying anything out of character, and it is often following the tone of conversation. None the less I'm going to try to be more pleasant. That's how people seem to like me best, cheerful and agreeable, without an opinion.

On a more positive note I saw my friends and got new clothes today. I like friends and clothes.

I'm glad I have another three weeks of break. I could really use them to figure some stuff out about what i want in life. I feel like i'm just kind of going through the motions doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm not really connecting to anything, and since i don't know what i want i can't see a clear vision of my future. it's just all very in the moment, annoying blah.

I'm still cold and sick but I have a good feeling about 2010. I don't know why, but I'm very hopeful. If only I could feel better, warm up and be productive everything would be great.
New Year's Eve was more fun than usual and today was nice.

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
-from the blog of Neil Gaiman

My New Year's Resolution last January was to read two books a month for a total of 24 books a year. I ended up with 38 total books read, and since it is highly unlikely I'll finish anything by midnight tomorrow, here's a list of what I've read this year.

38.The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (5/5)
37.The Great Gatsby by F.Scott Fitzgerald (4/5)
36.Up in the Air by Walter Kirn (3/5)
35.The Other Queen by Phillipa Gregory (2.5/5)
34.A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon (2/5)
33.Extremely Loud and Incredibility Close by Jonathan Safran Foer* (5/5)
32.Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger (4/5)
31.Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger (3.5/5)
30.Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (3/5)
29.The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (3.5/5)
28.The Wild Things by Dave Eggers (4/5)
27.Gourmet Rhapsody by Muriel Barbery (1/5)
26.The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown (2/5)
25.The Farewell Waltz by Milan Kundera (3/5)
24.The White Queen by Phillipa Gregory (4/5)
23.Girl With a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier* (5/5)
22.Slowness by Milan Kundera (2/5)
21.Ignorance by Milan Kundera (4/5)
20.Netherland by Joseph O'Neill (4/5)
19.Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling* (5/5)
18.Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling* (5/5)
17.The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl by Anonymous (Belle De Jour)(2/5)
16.Belle De Jour by Joseph Kessel (1.5/5)
15.Immortality by Milan Kundera (3/5)
14.The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera (3/5)
13.The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (5/5)
12.Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote (4/5)
11.We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive by Laurie Notaro (1.5/5)
10.The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (2.5/5)
9.Romance of a Shop by Amy Levy (4/5)
8.The Five People you Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom (4/5)
7.Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen (3/5)
6.Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (4/5)
5.When the King Took Flight by Timothy Tackett **
4.North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (2.5/5)
3.Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (5/5)
2.When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris (4/5)
1.Animal Farm by George Orwell (3/5)

Most Read Author - Milan Kundera (6)
Favorite New Reads - the Unbearable Lightness of Being, The Bell Jar, Pride and Prejudice
Least Favorite Reads - North and South, We Thought You would Be Prettier, The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, The Lost Symbol, Gourmet Rhapsody
Longest - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Shortest - Breakfast at Tiffany's

Ratings are out of 5
*Rereads
** Academic Reading that I can't judge on an unbias level

All of the reviews can be found under the tag of 2009 reading or here

10.SNL
This year I channeled 12 year old me and watched SNL. A lot. Of course the majority of the episodes that aired in 09 sucked, and sucked hard, but there were still some gems, like whenever Justin Timberlake hosts/makes an appearance and all of Taylor Swifts episode
9. Glee
What, are you gonna tell me you didn't listen to Don't Stop Believing for weeks after the pilot and weren't looking at the itunes store as soon as every episode was finished?
8. House
I'm back into house! I realized that House season 1 could not be anymore different from season 6 if they were actually different shows. However it's better than season 3, so I'll take what I can get.
7. How I Met Your Mother
A show i discovered at the end of 08 that i completely fell in love with. Now it's part of my can't miss schedule.
6. The Amazing Race
OMG TEAMS RACING AROUND THE WORLD FOR A MILLION DOLLARS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY NO ONE WILL WATCH THIS WITH ME. Amanda introduced me to this during the fall and i was instantly sucked in.
5. 30 Rock
I love 30 Rock, I love Tina Fay, and Alec Baldwin. Nuff Said
4. The Office
Ok, so the Office is kind of off it's game at the moment, but it's still my go to show whenever i'm feeling sad or angry or in a peculiar mood. It has given me unrealistic expectations about paper salesmen named Jim and has me saying stupid things that few people get like "Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galatica" and "I hate so much about the way you choose to be"
3. Robin Hood
OMG IT'S SEXY ROBIN HOOD. EVERYBODY STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND WATCH IT NOW. Actually, it's Robin Hood martketed at people in their 20's with supper hot guys and relatively good acting.
2. Big Bang Theory
I love Shelden and his antics, actually, I love everything about this show.
1. Mock The Week
I limited myself to one British Panel show for this list, and it wasn't at all hard to pick one. I've been a little more than mildly obsessed with Mock the Week since the spring. Not only was I obsessed (am still) but it has lead me to some of the most brilliant stand-up i've ever seen.

5.Ed Westwick

4.Jonathan Ryes Meyers

3.Russell Howard

2.Harry Lloyd

1.Jonas Armstrong

I had a good day filled with trashy tv, bad movies and great friends. I'm really glad I got go see everyone for Posse Gift exchange! Colleen, if you're reading this, I forgot to give you the journal, please remedy this. We played Wii and Cranium and then just the green cards, and then the new green cards and then ASAPA and found out who TV guild thinks is sexy. It was fun. I like my friends.

I'm going to get my shit together and make solid goals for 2010 that involve interacting with people, continuing to lose weight and figureing out wtf i'm doing with my life. oh, and new clothes. always gotta have new clothes.

night everyone, i'm going to need to fix my messed up sleep schedule soon but that's going to be a problem for 2010

Kirst, can i have my track list please?

I open my lungs dear,
I sing this song at funerals... No rush.
These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush.
A baby boy you've held so tightly, this pain it visits almost nightly.
Missing hotel beds I feel your touch.

I will await dear,
A patient of eternity, my crush.
A universal still, No rust.
No dust will ever grow on this frame,
One million years I will say your name.
I love you more than I can ever scream.

Booked our flight those years ago,
I said I love you as I left you.
Regrets still haunt my hollow head,
I promised you I will see you again, again.

I sit here and smile dear,
I smile because I think of you, I blush.
These bleeding hollow dials... This fuss.
A fuss is made of miles and travels when roadways are but stones and gravel.
A bleeding heart can conquer every crutch.

We booked our flight those years ago,
You said you loved me as you left me.
Regrets still haunt your saddened head but I promised you I will see you.
We booked our flight those years ago,
I said I loved you and I left you.
Regrets no longer in my head,
But I promised you and now I'm home again, again, again, again, again, again.

I'm home again.

The Bell Jar
Sylvia Plath

Esther Greenwood is an overachiever who is quickly losing her mind. She has a scholarship to her college as well as summer internship at a magazine in New York City. She has some quarkie traits and weird opinions of men, especially of her kinda sorta boyfriend, Buddy. When she doesn't get her second summer scholarship to take a writing class she goes off the deep end, thinking about suicide, being unable to eat, read, write and sleep.

I seriously enjoyed The Bell Jar. It was like falling down the rabbit hole with Esther. Her actions, while not always rational don't often make the reader question them as they are reading. This incredibly solid decent into madness had me questioning my own sanity a few times. She's not annoying, which is a rarity on the crazy characters front. It was a quick, funny and thoughtful read that left me amazed. Some of the minor characters were annoying, but since everything was through Esther's prospective it is understandable. The progression of the story was very natural, just enough time passed so that one was aware it was happening, but there weren't huge gaps of time missing and all relevant information that didn't happen in the linear storyline was told in flashback or new headlines. There is obviously so much of Plath in this novel and it's really heartbreaking that she died so young. Definitely worth the read.

Story
****

Structure
***

"I lay in that tub on the seventeenth floor of this hotel for women-only, high up over the jazz and push of New York, for near onto an hour, and I felt myself growing pure again. I don't believe in baptism or the waters of Jordan or anything like that, bu tI guess I feel about a hot bath the way those religious people feel about holy water."

"I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because i couldn't make up my mind which of the figs i would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and , one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

That's one of the reasons I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket."

"Neurotic, ha!" I let out a scornful laugh. "If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
Buddy put his hand on mind.
"Let me fly with you."

"The more hopeless you were, the further away they hid you."

"If Mrs. Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe, or a round-the-world cruise, it wouldn't have made on scrap of difference to me, because wherever i sat = on the deck of a shop or at a street cafe in Paris or Bangkok - I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air."

Hope everyone had a merry Christmas.

Here's a brief rundown of what I got:
-Half a dozen Books
-Two Aprons
-Tons of Cooking stuff
-A strand of Pearls and three pairs of earrings
-Ornaments
-Movies
-that Wii Resort game (my arm hurts from doing archery all night)
-Movies
-How I Met Your Mother S4
-a total of $75 in gift cards to barnes and noble and $50 to target, plus other money
-a cookie jar
-A 2 sweaters, dress, light coat, and a pair of shoes


It was a good Christmas. Hope you all had a pleasant day and stayed dry,

MERRY CHRISTMAS LJ LAND

i've had a dull but pleasent day of sleeping in, watching the food network and watching the wings. I love break.

Also, I got a B in Doc and Soc, which is impressive when you concider i didn't do three assignments and blatantly ignored the teacher most of the time.

Seriously, that kid was going to grow up to be a modern artist. A lot of his stuff was actually pretty creative. I mean, it was dark, but he was a pretty dark kid. His dad was depicted as a sleeping lug that even his dog is afraid of, and his mom is never actually seen, which may be a sign that neither one was around at all. His only friend seems to be a hyper-aggressive dog. Thats kind of a messed up childhood. Like, the erector set baby, or the hand coming out of the jack in the box, there are museums that have that kind of shit. He was harmlessly and artistically expressing himself, except his artistic medium secretly had souls and hated him for it. His only creative outlet comes to life and scars him forever. I bet he killed himself within, like, two years.